Stitch and Bitch

Back when I lived in Alaska, my sister-in-law and I decided we were going to teach ourselves to knit. I was working for a newspaper then, and there was a group of reporters who used to gather weekly for what they called "Stitch and Bitch." It sounded like a lot of fun, but with a baby at the time, leaving in the evening wasn't really a possibility for me. So we created our own. We did okay. I made a few mediocre scarves and never progressed beyond that point. Every few years or so I'd promise myself to pick it back up, and I never have.

Since reading my good buddy's blog on crochet, I thought I'd give it a whirl again. I tried for a good day or so to get the hang of crochet- but I just can't! I can get the initial two rows and then I'm lost. Here's as far as a I got:


I decided to go back to knitting for the time being, but I will hopefully have the heart to try crochet again. I think it's a prettier stitch.

My first project for now is a Slytherin Scarf (from Harry Potter) for Tyler. He is beyond thrilled. I just hope I don't screw it up. I'm not particularly fond of the type of yarn I chose. It seems too thick for this tight knit. We'll see.

Ramble on

I've been reading and enjoying Anne Lamott's works this past week; she is truly phenomenal. I started with Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life and moved on to read Grace (Eventually), Travelling Mercies (Some Thoughts on Faith), and I'm currently reading Plan B- Further Thoughts on Faith. I just can't seem to get enough. It's like I've found the mentor I'd always hoped I'd find. She's imperfect, spiritual, honest, very liberal- much more so than I. She's kind of opened my mind to the idea of 'coming out of the closet' spiritually. I've usually been reserved in this area as I do not consider myself a model Christian. I'm afraid of saying that out loud and then disappointing someone. Like the eyes of the world would be on me, waiting for some misstep. I really do have a lot of insecurity wrapped up in my spiritual journey. I'm not really well read in Scripture, and I don't feel like I know how to pray the right way, and I still get uncomfortable sometimes during worship. So I guess that's what appeals to me about Lamott- there's no shame or denying that she's a work in progress.

So....I'm in the middle of a work obligation where I have to take a test to add a certification to my teaching credentials; I've been stressing out about this for nearly a month. Not finding much opportunity for quiet at home, I decided to head to Starbucks (which I have NEVER done in my seven years here in Temple) to clear my head and to try to focus with a cup of coffee and a cake pop. Once inside, I headed for the most remote, closed off table, one that was facing a wall, clearly the perfect section for parties of one in need of head clearing and focusing. There was nothing about my demeanor suggesting I was there for friendship or mindless chit-chat. I meant business, dammit. That much should have been obvious.

About twenty minutes into my absolutely refocused studying, not feeling at all self-congratulatory for making progress, a guy who had been sitting a few tables near the front of the cafe suddenly pulls up the chair at the table-for-one directly next to me. Awesome. I knew he was going to strike up a conversation. And of course, he did. Started by asking what I was doing, what my tattoo meant. I'm getting really annoyed with the guy when I notice he has a Bible. I think great, well can't he see the ring? What's going on here? And then he asks if he can pray for me. Huh. Okay, buddy shoot. I guess I thought he meant he'd take my name and slip it to the prayer group at his church or something, but right then and there in front of God and everybody he starts praying for me. Not loud and preachy and over-zealous, but head-bowed ain't no hidin this business style. I was a little stunned, a little amused, and a little confused, and so of course I couldn't entirely focus on what he said the whole 3 minutes (it was pretty lengthy). He started off asking for blessings on my test (thank you), then kind of rambled, moved on to asking for me to be a Godly woman (say what?! Should I be insulted?), asked for me to fight like a lion against the dark one, and I actually kind of dug this part- he asked that God reveal his character a little bit more to me each day. And then he took up his Bible and left. It was so random and weird. Things like that just don't typically happen to me.

Well, I immediately became defensive. Did I look like a bad person? Somebody who needed to be asked for to be a Godly woman? Should strangers be asking for that kind of stuff? And then my heart softened a little, and I wondered if this was some kind of reaching out. Some kind of hey, you got this. On a couple different levels. The Bible is filled with unsuspecting inspirational characters.So much of the Bible and so much of what has caused such questions in me lies in interpretation. God doesn't ever seem to give straight up answers, sometimes it's all in the interpretation.

So yeah, maybe this guy really was a total creeper. Thankfully, I'll never know. It could just be that's exactly what I was supposed to hear today.

Starting Over

Okay, well I'm not loving the uber-personal turn the ol' blog has taken as of late. I guess I really needed to get some things off my chest, but it's still so raw. The reunion did end up going just fine. There were little pockets of discussions, questions, but no outright breakdowns. My dad ended up driving to my aunt's house, and that has been pretty difficult. Her beautiful house on the hill looks exactly the same except for the tarped and boarded back door. There is glass all over the deck where my cousin was shot- it hasn't been picked up. The Christmas tree is still up, lights are still strung around the deck. You can see a pair of her shoes on the railing and the grill is uncovered. It's like she went for a walk and is coming right back. I still can't understand why nothing looks aged even though it has all been exposed to the elements since November.

There are a lot of things we're never meant to know, and that's what I've been slowly starting to realize. We've got to keep moving forward knowing there is a plan, as difficult as it may be for us to understand in the present. So, I think I'm ready to lay this to rest instead of staring down infinite possibilities and questions; it's futile.