Babies

Lately I've been hearing the ol' biological clock tick-tick-ticking away. Everywhere I turn there are babies, babies, babies. And while I'm capable of actually having more children, we've decided our family is complete.

I think what I'm missing most is the fact that I will never have a daughter. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys more than anything in the world, but I can't help but feel that there's an experience I'll be missing. I didn't have a sister, and I moved around so much as a child that sometimes finding friends was difficult. I've always been so jealous of women who have sisters or really close girlfriends. They're always so close to each other, or usually very close. My brother and I rarely talk; we may send an occasional email, but it's certainly not the confidante-type relationship I always wanted. I guess it sounds like a daughter would just be filling a void and maybe that's why God decided to surround me with so many dudes!

I worry that once my boys are grown and gone they won't want to be as close. My mom and I fight constantly, but we're the closest of friends. I can't imagine not having her or that relationship.

Being pregnant is something I miss, too. There really is nothing like it, and it's just hard to accept that those times have come and gone. Everyday Logan is becoming more little boy and less baby, and though it's gratifying to see that, it can also be a little depressing. This is all purely selfish, me holding on too tightly. I've always been afraid to move on when the present seems like the best that can ever be.