Safe travels

The boys and I are getting ready to head out to WV with my mom and dad. Since my parents moved to San Antonio three years ago, we've gone with them to see relatives. Prior to that, I hadn't seen anyone since my wedding.

I've always felt badly for them, though. They never- not once!- have taken an actual vacation for themselves. Every year they would save, save, save to be able to travel back "home" to visit their families. My mom's mom would reciprocate and visit us, and my dad's parents did a few times, but other than that we didn't really keep much contact with cousins, aunts, uncles the rest of the year. This was always a little depressing to me as I have a TON of cousins, mostly girls who are my age and were always my idols. Each one of them is amazing and unique, fun, adventurous...all of the things I've always wanted to be. I loved hearing their stories and hoped I could one day be a part of them.

My boys love this, of course. We've had some pretty interesting adventures that we wouldn't have had otherwise. Once, as we were trying to locate an historic family cemetery dating back to the Civil War, we ended up on a narrow dirt road, almost out of gas, completely turned around and a little freaked out! We've eaten at country diners and some pretty snazzy truck stop buffets, cussed at idiot drivers on the highway, and seen up close and personal the country that inspired John Denver's "Country Roads" - ha!

My brother decided he didn't want to fly in from Japan this year, and that sucks. I haven't seen him since 2009. I really feel like he needed to be there this year, but I understand his trepidation. His wife has never met the fam (extended fam), and this might be an odd year to do so. I keep trying to predict how it's going to be. Do we jump right into our old skin and not mention anything? Is my cousin Kelly going to be there? How do I look at her and not break down and cry? This is a particularly distressing situation for me. Kelly and I used to be so close. Our last real communication was the summer before my wedding when she declined to be a part of it. That was a major blow- we had been so close, I couldn't figure out why she would say no. We hadn't spoken or seen each other since; she completely cut herself off from the rest of the family. I knew after it all happened I should write to her, tell her how sorry I was, etc. but I could not find the words; I didn't even try.

I just don't see how any of us can be the same, and I really feel like this is the end of the road for us in a lot of ways. I think most everyone has moved on in his own way, but what happens when we're put together? We're either going to be congruous pieces of a complicated puzzle or shards of irreparable glass.